R&R was not the romantic, first-trip-to-the-beach-for-the-boys fourteen day vacation I dreamed of, hoped for and needed.
It was messy and stressful. I was gut punched with the reality of war, the realization that our soldiers are trained to be at war, but somehow somebody forgets to train them on how to turn war off- and so when they leave war and enter the civilian world for R&R, sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes the best thing for that soldier to do is to go back to war…
I struggle with being transparent here in this space… I struggle with how much I say, or in this case, don’t say…
I feel like I’ve painted this picture of our life that’s not true. I come here to tell the good things, I come here to find the gifts in our every day, when our every day is sometimes very hard.
If you’ve come here and thought I have everything together, I assure you I don’t.
I’m not a perfect housekeeper, but I try. Our house is always clean, but usually very disorganized.
I’m not a perfect mother, but I try. I yell too much. I cave a little too often. I even use bribery at times. But I love my boys and I try to teach them right from wrong. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, but I would like to think I do my damn well best to guide them. They eat their vegetables and say “yes ma’am, no sir” most of the time.
I’m not a perfect wife, but I try. Somehow I got lost in being a mother, and lost sight of my priorities as a wife. I’m trying.
I could go on to tell you that I’m not a perfect friend, or daughter, money-manager, or driver either… I like to buy little things here and there, not realizing how fast the money really adds up; I had 3 wrecks before I was 19.
Again, I try. I’m working on being a better whatever.
I stopped writing in this space because my life isn’t perfect.
Because life is messy and scary and hard and not fair. Because I forgot to stop and remember the little moments throughout the day that make me smile, that keep me going.
Because I couldn’t get past all the drama and heartache, to see how blessed I truly am.
My husband loves me. We have two beautiful boys. We have family on both sides who care for us. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table…
And at the end of the day, that’s enough. And it’s perfect.